Motherhood not apple pie
Jun. 16th, 2005 10:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hazelkThis article in yesterday’s Guardian seems related to the wider themes of Lionel Shriver’s book, We Need to Talk About Kevin, which won the Orange Prize for Fiction this year. And I don’t like that woman. The book sounds interesting but a few months ago in an interview about it she made some crack about women expecting a perfect child and ending up with an autistic monster who sits in the corner banging his head against the wall all day. So personal issues, but comparing kids with defective merchandise is just a bad analogy. More like a job that doesn’t necessarily work out and that you’re bound to like a 40’s movie star. Except Bette Davies. Mmm Bette.
Anyway the subtext/text of both book and article seems to be that not every female person who becomes a parent will take to it naturally and discussion of this lack of response, is the elephant in a media room where motherliness lies next to cleanliness. Although in the article’s case I would say the elephant is the role played by the father but I guess his response to parenthood wasn’t part of the brief.
Parts of it I can relate to. The first week in the hospital managing all the feeds as if keeping to an experimental schedule and feeling validated by the nurses’ approval. But that went out of the window pretty quickly once we got home. Not ‘clicking’ with other women at 'Mother and Baby' groups. But I’m not sure that was a mother thing. More some people are natural joiners and doers while others pass snarky remarks from the sidelines. But feel guilty about it so keep on signing up and feeling out of place.
Anyway the subtext/text of both book and article seems to be that not every female person who becomes a parent will take to it naturally and discussion of this lack of response, is the elephant in a media room where motherliness lies next to cleanliness. Although in the article’s case I would say the elephant is the role played by the father but I guess his response to parenthood wasn’t part of the brief.
Parts of it I can relate to. The first week in the hospital managing all the feeds as if keeping to an experimental schedule and feeling validated by the nurses’ approval. But that went out of the window pretty quickly once we got home. Not ‘clicking’ with other women at 'Mother and Baby' groups. But I’m not sure that was a mother thing. More some people are natural joiners and doers while others pass snarky remarks from the sidelines. But feel guilty about it so keep on signing up and feeling out of place.
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Date: 2005-06-17 10:32 am (UTC)I never thought about having children, it was always something that would be in my future. I babysat for years but it never felt definite. It wasn't until I met one little boy, Steve's cousin's son, and it just struck me. That I could have children. Weird, but looking at him, it just felt right. Interestingly, he looks like my kids. It was if I saw my new future.
Most of the friends that I have kept over the years, stayed friends with, were not met a playgroups. I remembered something after I posted last night. The faultline of friendship, especially at one mother's group, fell between nursing and nonnursing mothers. That seemed to determine friendships being made and lost. That was very unexpected. One group of us would be at one end of the room, and the other group at the other. Very rarely did the two mix despite my sometime efforts. It was a very fascinating result.
The time paradox comment also reminded me of another split in the mother's groups. The age of the mom. As with all things, you seek out those you are comfortable with, people for whom you have things in common, so I guess that was part of it. But the younger moms really felt uncomfortable with the economics and experience of the older moms. Someone really ought to study the playgroup dynamic.
no subject
Date: 2005-06-17 06:30 pm (UTC)